Jehovah-Jireh

Note: I am posting twice this week because I felt the previous post had some importance. It was also a little "self focused"...so here is more about what God is doing.

”He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor.” –Psalm 113

Jehovah-jireh (the Lord will provide). 

There are many things this Ugandan culture is teaching me and reminding me. I’ve heard horror stories, seen things that break my heart, and experienced things unpleasant and uncomfortable in my time spent in East Africa (Kenya and Uganda). Each day, there is something that reminds me that there is evil in this world and it puts a burden on my heart. I am overwhelmed by the needs in Kampala and even the world.

School has been challenging. I am at a loss of where to move forward and where I need to take initiative or give input. It is so different from Special Education in the States – there is so many cultural things to consider and it must be remembered that not everything from the U.S. will work in Uganda. It is a different world and that is OK. Finding how to bring some changes that will benefit this program in the long term, after I leave, is key.

The joy that the students bring me (aside from the headache) washes away all of the discouragement and lack of direction I’ve been feeling. Early last week, before our tiny holiday, I had many wonderful moments with the students and teachers that God had provided in the midst of my exhaustion. Yet, hearing about some of the suffering the teachers are experiencing ads to the burden. When a teacher hasn’t been paid their salary for 6 months, cannot get to school because they don’t have money for transport, fears going home to a bad situation…the focus is not on the students. It hurts seeing the situations my “family” is going through.

It has been fairly easy for me to trust in the Lord for things concerning myself especially when He has placed so many loving people around me. However, I find that I am struggling to trust Him to provide for those around me. This life in Africa is hard and I see that every day. So where is God in these situations? Where is God when teachers aren’t getting paid? When the corruption covers justice with a deceiving hand? When there seems to be no hope of consistency? I am struggling to see. Even when I know that God is capable and He is in control. He has proved that over and over; not only to me, but to whoever has paid attention to the Lord’s footprints upon history.

                So where should my focus be? The students? Trying to help the program? Or should I focus on bringing Jesus to the “family” that is struggling around me? Reminding them that He has not forgotten them and is loving them despite the circumstances? I think the latter is so. Besides, I am not the one changing anything – it is the Lord using me to do His work.

                God is greater than even the most hopeless of situations. I have that knowledge and now need to practice FAITH. My God is God of justice. My God is God of love. My God is God of order. My God is Lord over the universe. He even cares for the small sparrow, so why can’t He care for the people around me? The Lord will provide. He has already provided.

“Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” –Matthew 6:26

“Because Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise You.” Psalm 63:3

Prayer:

-Pray for the teachers on my team. Living and working with no salary is almost impossible and they are discouraged. Pray that I will be an encouragement to them, that God will give me ways to show them His love, and that God will give me more opportunities to point them to Him.

-Look at previous posts; there isn’t much new to add.

Highlights:

-Took a taxi/matatu to the other side of town, Lubowa, all by myself again. I have grown from a “baby” to a “youth” if not an “adult” in Ugandan transportation.

-Connected well (mostly) with my students! Still very challenging, but they acknowledge me.  

-Almost experienced a student strike. Thankfully, I was far away from the crowd and didn’t have to deal with teargas. Yeah…that’s my new reality. Teargas.

-No school on Thursday or Friday because of Kyambogo’s graduation. Yet, I did experience the massive crowds as I traveled to town. I got to see the traditional dress for Ugandan women.

-Spent a couple nights with my AIM Kampala unit leader and rested. Video Skyped my mother, ate delicious American food (with chocolate cake!!) at Matoke Inn, and had a cheeseburger!! Can you tell I love food? Ugandan food is great, especially when the teachers at school cook, but there is something about good food from home. Mmhmm!

-I also filled up on coffee and acquired a coffee press.

-It feels great when I am away from friends and their faces light up when I return. Makes me feel like I am an important part of the “family”.

-Took time to list all of the blessings God has given me since I left home on January 10^th. It took up almost three pages of my journal. When you obey God’s call and are willing to make sacrifices….

Luganda:

Amazzi (water – emphasize the “zz”).
Emere (food).

Ensaba co ­­{insert item}? – A very polite way of asking for something. It is important to know how to ask for food and/or water wherever you go.

Culture:

-Food is a communal thing. If you purchase or have food/drink, you share with everyone in the room. Ugandans also never eat “on the go”; none of the walking and eating we are used to in the States…it is very rude. Also, you don’t greet people when they aren’t eating so they don’t choke.

Provided with Soul Food

“We want clarity; God wants us to come closer. Life is always clear when you press closer and see it through the sheer love of God.” -Unknown

  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30

This week’s “report” has been started many times, but there never seems to be the right words to describe all my thoughts and feelings. I already have trouble verbally expressing myself and it seems that my inspiration for writing isn’t as strong this week.

Volcano. That is a good way to describe how I deal with my emotions. I tuck them neatly away down within my being, perk up a smile, and then continue on with my days. Tuck, tuck, tuck. All the way down. When the pressure becomes too much, I erupt with tears of frustration and I quickly melt into the “woe is me” mentality. Most of the time I don’t even realize I am going through these motions – it has become a subconscious act.

So there I was last week, at school and at Kakumba chapel with the wonderful people God has given me, and I was finding everything difficult. My brain was full and I couldn’t take in any more information or give much of myself to those I was supposed to be ministering to. I also tend to take on the burdens of others, and there are plenty of people I am around who have many burdens my compassionate heart was eager to soothe.  It took me a little too long to notice that my time with God was lacking depth and my thoughts were becoming selfish...I needed a break. Away from campus. Away from my big, lonely house. Away.

I erupted (when I was alone at home…don’t worry).

There is a term I have learned recently that has been used by my fellow AIM members for people who use the middle/high class, fancy “resources” found in the city - “fat cat”. You should know, after my great experiences in Kenya, I’ve struggled with the knowledge that there are missionaries from the U.S. who indulge in the “fat cat” things while they are on the field – American food, movie theaters, tourist attractions, etc. Shouldn’t missionaries integrate fully into the culture they are living, food and all? Shouldn’t they abstain from the “fat cat” things? When Jesus came to earth, He lived a simple life in the culture of the Jews at the time. Shouldn’t we follow His example in this while we also strive to follow His example in other aspects of our lives?

A part of me thought that I wouldn’t have a need for the things that this city holds; that I could go this whole year without seeing a movie or eating American food at a restaurant. Ha! My pride has got me again.

Being integrated into another culture for a long period of time, when you grew up a certain way, is another level of exhaustion. Hearing Luganda more than English, always trying to be conscious of subtle and obvious cultural norms, always being around people who don’t fully understand your home culture, getting asked and asking many questions, eating differently (no matter how delicious), and even learning how to communicate my relationship with God can drain a person of energy…mentally and physically. What helps? Time away with some “fat cat” things from the home culture, and quality time with the Lord to reflect on the lessons and experiences. And when being a “light in the darkness” and pointing people to Christ is my “job”, I need to be filled to my full potential – otherwise my presence here is in vain.

God is certainly my provider! My Jehovah-jireh! Before I left school on Wednesday, the teachers informed me that there would be no school the rest of the week due to Kyambogo’s graduation. Praise the Lord for some extra days off! God certainly knows that it is difficult for me to take time off, so He didn’t give me an excuse. Thursday afternoon, I ran away from campus and traveled to Lubowa in Kampala (AIM office and the guesthouse, Matoke Inn) where my Ugandan journey started. I used the Wi-Fi, joined in on the wonderful meals at Matoke, watched a movie, and sat in the garden with God and my journal. An AIM staff member let me stay with her and was so generous to take care of me while I was rejuvenating! It felt a bit like home. The time around other bazungu was refreshing, and I also got to meet other AIM missionaries and hear their stories. It is amazing what good some American things can do for the soul! It is a needed form of rest for the mind so I can focus on God – not having to adapt my language or culture to fit in a foreign one.  

Coming back to campus felt great. I was ready to take on more obstacles and continue strongly with the relationships I have already. Now I know that there has to be a balance. I won’t ever stomp on the culture I am now living in to be a “fat cat”, but I realize that allowing myself to be in my home culture, and giving my mind and its thoughts a rest with some good, American, soul food is OK. And, most importantly, quality time with the One who has given me everything and who is all I need. 

 “Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” -1 Timothy 6:17